look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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