I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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