...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
