my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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