So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
