Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
