I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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