i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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