after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
