shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
