Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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