the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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