He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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