OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize