85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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