I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
