well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
