meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize