i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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