Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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