you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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