It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize