it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
