how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
