he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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