so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
