I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
