Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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