Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
