I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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