This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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