You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
