just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
