Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
