Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Randomize
