I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
