fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize