If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
