I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
True but thats because hes a fetus.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
COCAINE IS GR8
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
