After last night, I could never be a politician.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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