You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize