It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
