yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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