Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
