No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
