Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
