Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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