I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
