operation harelip BJ is a go
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
