oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize