remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
as a side note pls kill me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
