do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
