If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
