Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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