We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
