This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize