she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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