her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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