my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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