it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
