I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So much rum. So many feels.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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