K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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