I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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