I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
