i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
