where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
