Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
