Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize