I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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