I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
