Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Let's get the cat blown out
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
