Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
