yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
