was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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