How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
