i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
its liver damage thursday
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize