eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
