Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
