I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
