I didn't shave. On purpose
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
