96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
