I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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