just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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