We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
