hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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