Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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