you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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