Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
