You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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