Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you made out with another girl for some wings
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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