Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
