I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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