i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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