Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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