She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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