I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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