I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize